Wednesday, November 01, 2006


Yesterday I dressed up in all black, did my hair with lots of hairspray, wore my contact lenses and black eyeliner and buckets of makeup. I was inspired by Mama D to resurrect my cool fangs, wore a black cape and a witches hat. All this effort, and I was too tired to take off the make-up last night, this morning I woke up looking scarier than I did all Halloween. Boo.

So today is day one of NaBloPoMo, and I like to tell you that you are in for a real treat. Heh, not sure I can say you are... just more of the same from me. I have a couple of posts kicking around in my head, but I have to warn you...some of it's really introspective stuff. Some of it is stuff I have learned (relearned) from this experience. It has to do with this credo that I have apparently forgotten. Again.

Credo: She who takes offence, when no offence is intended? Is an idiot. She who takes offence when offence IS intended? Well, she's an idiot too.

Especially if that person is an addict in recovery. Which I am.

I didn't tell y'all, I didn't celebrate it.... I let it pass with no freaking notice whatsoever. October eighth marked my ten year birthday of sobriety... clean and clear. That I let it pass by, that I am giving myself permission to get all het up on resentment? Bad. It's very bad.

Thankfully I get to teach a spiritual lesson to my women's church group once a month. In October my turn came up just days after having written about the offence I took (and trust me, I kept the bulk of my bile OUT of the post and focused on the higher ground of what was going through my heart). The subject of the lesson? The talk given by Elder Bednar just weeks before, entitled "And Nothing Shall Offend Them." It was a very instructive lesson... for me. A lesson about how much my Father in Heaven loves me, and that love is personal and specific to me. A lesson about how He wants me to grow up.

And by the way? If there is any question (and there was) I am in no way comparing the person who questioned my family planning, to my vile and abusive ex-husband. The story about my leaving Mr. Thatguy was just to illustrate that I have had a relationship with my children and have been acting as a mother to them long before they were here in any mortal form. Just clarifying here.

So. It's not gonna all be this serious. Promise.


Mama D said...

That is awesome! Ten years... You should be proud. I am proud.

We are in for a treat! Ha!

Go ahead. Be serious.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

That's really great... I don't know a thing about your situation, but I think it's very telling that it slipped by unnoticed... maybe you've gotten on with your life? Or is forgetting it not supposed to happen?

I loved that talk, too. And needed it.

Anonymous said...

Congrats on the 10 years! As many painful memories as it must bring back, you have reason to be proud!

Good luck on your NaBloPoMo novel! The previous post was very powerful so I look forward to reading more.

the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

Happy anniversary, missy!

Ahh, yes. The buttons, and how to un-install them. Still working on that one.

You know, the buttons: the ones that raise the hackles, intentionally or otherwise. I think of myself as a swan - appearing calm, swimming serenely but kicking like mad under the water.

Nancy said...

Congratulations -- ten years is quite a milestone!

I agree with Thoroughly Mormon Millie's comment -- perhaps it's a good thing that you didn't "remember" as quickly this time, because life has continued to move along and you've been so successful in recovery?