Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Attack of the Kids

It is late, the kids are all finally asleep. I walk through the house admiring the mess, but too tired to do much of anything about it. On my way to the kitchen to get a glass of water and inspect the dishes that I will not wash until tomorrow, I see a funny flesh-colored-something stuck to the far living room wall.

"The heck?" I mutter, "is that a band aid stuck on the wall? Why the heck would they stick a ..."

I reach out a hand to touch the mass. Gum. Freaking pink bubble gum. Well craaaap.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Catch My Breath...

Pearl pronounces the word volcano as "puh-kay-no," she calls DVD's, "DV-doh's." Like, a cross between a DVD and a Video.

LaLa this morning came in to the kitchen while I was eating my breakfast and told me, "Mama, you are the bossiest person in the whole world. Why are you soooo bossy?" Pffft. She should get a load of MY mom in full swing.

Birdie. She is killing me. She tries so flipping hard to be the best good-girl she can, I would worry she will blow a gasket... only she does have her little outlets. Tonight for instance, about one minute after her daddy went downstairs she crept into our room to play "My Little Pony" internet games with the sound off. The only reason we know this is that Dadguy had been downloading some files that stopped when she closed out his user and opened her own. This, when she was supposed to be asleep in bed. The stinker.

Henry. He is still a baby, and oh mah CRAP that boy is a chubba. No joke, I should prolly take some pictures.

Last night I went through a boatload of videotape footage from back when Pearl was having her strider (loud breathing) from the sequin stuck in her throat. Holy CRAP, my kids are loud, and they never shut up. Ever. Birdie even talks in her sleep. I was trying to find a clear representation of the sound she used to make, but you can barely hear it in between the shrieks, squawks and singing of her older sisters. Relentless.

I don't think I will ever get any sufficiently representative video footage of the "Bacon Shakin'?" shtick that the girls give Henry. There is a reason they have developed this activity; I am busy doing something else and cannot get to the kid to help him be happy, let alone shoot some footage. It is to the point that if he starts screaming while I am cooking dinner, I might distractedly ask LaLa to "go ask Henry about his bacon." Works darn near every time. I am still 100% in the dark about it's origins.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009


I think the word "dude" is pretty funny.... a lot funnier than it is in reality. Like, my use of the word has lost it's irony, and now I just use it. All. The . Freakin'. Time.

Fact is, I think that swear words are even funnier. But I have been putting lots of effort into not swearing now-a-days... so that just leaves "dude."

Think about it. I now have a boy to call "dude"!

Cutie Patootie Dude. Little Dude. Doodster. Dude-icus Rex. The Dude Man. Round Dude. There is some unapologetic overuse going on over here.

Back when we had no kids, Dadguy and I went to see "Dude, Where's My Car" at the dollar movies. Have you seen it? Whoah, was that a baaaaad movie, but, whoah, we laughed our cans off! One particular line has made it into our all-time family in-jokes.... the old Chinese lady saying "...and theeeeeeeeeen?" Last night Dadguy pulled out that old-moldy at the dinner table for the first time in a while... using a gravelly voice and really drawing out the "theeeeen."

It's one of those bits that has been there for long enough that I wasn't 100% where it came from and had to ask if that was from the movie, and all Pearl heard in between bites of dinner was the title. So she laughed and said "mama! It's in the garage!"