Friday, September 26, 2008


Sometimes no news is good news, and sometimes it's not.

Sometimes no news means that I just don't feel like writing anything down.

I've been struggling a bit with this pregnancy (shocker... I KNOW!) I don't feel good in general, and I suspect that there is a little bit of depression going on. PRE-natal baby blues? Does that exist? A sort of "I feel crappy so I think I'll stop moving" sort of paralysis? Donno.

But I wish I could get me some of that "nesting" hoo-dah that everyone goes on about. I never get that and it bums me out.

Have I mentioned anything about the crazy population explosion on my street? 'Cause yeah... it's pretty crazy! There is me with my singleton boy-o, the neighbor on my right with her boy/girl twin set due in mid Nov, my best friend K next door to twin-lady with her SURPRISE! BABY! due in March, across the street with her identical twin girls due on Christmas Eve, and next door to me on the left with her singleton due in March. Blah-blah-something-in-the-water-blah, have I mentioned how glad I am that we are having just the
one addition to our family? As it is, we have moved our household from a one garbage can home, to a two garbage can home. We finally came to the conclusion that this was a necessity after realizing that we have over seven, large, full bags of grass clippings stashed in the backyard, and a closet full of construction garbage still hanging out in the basement that we have been unable to get rid of. This is to say nothing of the mound of crap in the garage and a TON of vegetation all over the backyard that is due to be yanked in a week. Dadguy and I are sheepishly thrilled with the recent doubling of our trash capabilities. Sheepishly because how much of a loser do you have to be to be THRILLED with an extra garbage can? It is an extra eight dollars and forty five cents a month worth of an ability to throw out anything! Garbage! Out of the HOUSE! Ahhh! That feels good.

Yes, I think I
did just write a post about my new garbage can. Do you see why I haven't written anything in a while?

Monday, September 08, 2008


Well, that's a little better.

I have this thing that happens to me, primarily during the second trimester of pregnancy. This thing where all of a sudden the levels of thyroid medication that I am taking are not enough. But it's more than just feeling more tired than usual. The closest thing that I can liken the experience to, is feeling like I have poison coursing through my veins. And for some reason, it always takes me by surprise when it happens, and then I figure it out, get hold of the doctor, get the lab work done and get a new prescription. These steps take time, and I spend a minimum of two weeks in toxic hell with each shift, and I get anywhere from three to four of these shifts per pregnancy.

These shifts herald an inability to do much of anything, and yet, I don't dare just go on a slightly high level of meds. My body reacts to too much synthetic thyroid with hives. I am today just normalizing from the last shift. I feel a little less like I am dying.


Again, this is my last baby. Three months to go. I can totally DO this.

As a matter of fact, even though this shift came with a heavy Emotional Breakdown Factor... I have also been enjoying feelings of contentment and joy. Which is odd, because usually when I am down physically and emotionally, I can't see my way clear and just get depressed. I suspect that this over all sense of well being comes from a cross between the topic of my last post, and a sense of how HUGE of a blessing it is to have my children. Not every woman gets to have completion the way that I am getting it. We are all here. I wanted biological children, and I got them. I got as many as I wanted. I get my girls and a boy. Dadguy works his patoot off so that I can stay home with them. I chose this. He chose this. We have an amazing marriage. A little bit of sick that has a time limit on it? The resulting domestic chaos? Yeah... I can totally DO this.

Two nights ago as I got LaLa into her bed with her sippy cup, blanket, air kisses and bed-buddy just so, my heart swelled with love for her, and gratitude that I am alive and her mama. No one could ever love her, or understand her as I do... and I get to do this.

I am the mama.