Monday, September 08, 2008

Whew

Well, that's a little better.

I have this thing that happens to me, primarily during the second trimester of pregnancy. This thing where all of a sudden the levels of thyroid medication that I am taking are not enough. But it's more than just feeling more tired than usual. The closest thing that I can liken the experience to, is feeling like I have poison coursing through my veins. And for some reason, it always takes me by surprise when it happens, and then I figure it out, get hold of the doctor, get the lab work done and get a new prescription. These steps take time, and I spend a minimum of two weeks in toxic hell with each shift, and I get anywhere from three to four of these shifts per pregnancy.

These shifts herald an inability to do much of anything, and yet, I don't dare just go on a slightly high level of meds. My body reacts to too much synthetic thyroid with hives. I am today just normalizing from the last shift. I feel a little less like I am dying.

Whee!

Again, this is my last baby. Three months to go. I can totally DO this.

As a matter of fact, even though this shift came with a heavy Emotional Breakdown Factor... I have also been enjoying feelings of contentment and joy. Which is odd, because usually when I am down physically and emotionally, I can't see my way clear and just get depressed. I suspect that this over all sense of well being comes from a cross between the topic of my last post, and a sense of how HUGE of a blessing it is to have my children. Not every woman gets to have completion the way that I am getting it. We are all here. I wanted biological children, and I got them. I got as many as I wanted. I get my girls and a boy. Dadguy works his patoot off so that I can stay home with them. I chose this. He chose this. We have an amazing marriage. A little bit of sick that has a time limit on it? The resulting domestic chaos? Yeah... I can totally DO this.

Two nights ago as I got LaLa into her bed with her sippy cup, blanket, air kisses and bed-buddy just so, my heart swelled with love for her, and gratitude that I am alive and her mama. No one could ever love her, or understand her as I do... and I get to do this.

I am the mama.

5 comments:

annenahm said...

Great post :^)

elizasmom said...

Oh, I am glad you're feeling better. I like your perspective on things, too. I hope that contentment and joy stays with you through the rest of the ups and downs of pregnancy.

Mama D said...

Oh yuck. As if being pregnant and sick isn't enough, then you add thyroid stuff on top of it. Hope you continue to feel better. And I'm glad your perspective is so great right now. I always have trouble with that one...

Superwoman said...

We truly are blessed to have the lives we have. It's not perfect but we're so luck to have what we have.

Meredith said...

That is one awesome post. It is so refreshing to read someone in the moment so in love with her life and her kids and her place in the world. You inspire me. Thank you!