Saturday, May 12, 2007

Happy Mother's Day

We made it off of the PICU (Intensive Care Unit) yesterday afternoon. Thank heavens. The girlie, she was still foggy and lethargic from all the hootie they had pumped into her the previous few days to keep her under. She is breathing on her own.

Today is a whole different story. By the end of her day she was trying to push her own IV poll down the hallway on her walk. She entertained herself booting at squishy soccer balls out on the terrace for a while, and then tried repeatedly to climb into the fountain downstairs. There are a ton of coins in the fountain, and I cannot get over the creepy feeling that she wants to get a few handfuls of change for a snack later on.

The new room is pretty great. It's large and comfy and it has an adjoining bathroom that comes complete with a shower. There is a TV that has a PS2, VCR and DVD a radio and a fold out bed for me to sleep on. There is a huge play room with books and toys and art supplies galore... all this is good because we will be here for anywhere from two to six weeks.

There might be funny or witty folks who could find some humor in this, or find the funny parts, I am not one of them. I am keeping my mind focused on the moments of joy, and the vision I have of Pearl running and carefree... but yesterday when the doctor gently scolded me for wanting to rush the healing process, because I was trying to find out what was the soonest we could move to the next phase, I started crying for the first time since the night before surgery. Huh... now that I think of it, it was when I was talking to her that I had cried that time too. She is apparently an awesome surgeon and doctor, but a mistress of the worst case scenario, and not a puller of punches. I felt very sorry for myself.

I wallowed in self pity all the way down to collect the last of my stuff from the PICU. As I was packing my stuff to go, one of the other mothers in the PICU waiting room noticed and asked if my baby had made it off the floor. When I told her that she was already upstairs that mom cheered with her hands in fists, pumping victory above her head. I gave her a short sketch of where we stood and then asked after her boy. Apparently he was born with only half a heart... but if this surgery took and then the next two or three surgeries, then he'd have a normal boy life ahead of him. There was another mom sitting on a couch nearby who had been listening intently, she offered her congratulations. I asked about who she was there for, and she told us about her baby girl who had a very rare form of brain tumor. Somehow it was in what she didn't say that stopped me cold, and after a short pause she finished that it was spreading down her spine and nobody knew what to do. Her baby is nine months old. Her name is Destiny. We all got very quiet, and we all three cried.

To my mom.... Happy Mother's Day. To all y'all women out there who nurture, love and cherish... Happy Mother's Day. But especially to all mom's who are losing or have lost their babies.

Happy Mother's Day.


Dana said...

I'm glad yours is doing is the scariest thing to think about.

Nobody™ said...

Happy Mother's Day, Bon.

I'm glad to hear that Pearl is doing a bit better, and I hope she continues to improve quickly. We're thinking good thoughts here.

Shelli said...

Dear God. Those poor women. It does not lessen what you have gone through and don't you go feeling guilty because you were feeling sad about your situation. Okay?

God bless you and your family on this Mother's Day, Bon!

elizasmom said...

Hear, hear, Shelli! I totally agree. You have every right to a good cry; I wouldn't call that self-pity at all — I call that NORMAL after what you've all been through. That said, I am glad Pearl has rallied so quickly and I am crossing my fingers, your doctor notwithstanding, that your stay is closer to the two week estimate.

Happy Mother's Day!

Meredith said...

I have not caught up with your blog until far too late to add my good vibes during Pearl's surgery. I am so so so sorry to hear this happened but so relieved to know she came through it like the rock star she is!!! I am wishing the best for you all!

Mama D said...

Bon. I love ya. I love your whole family. I guess that's kinda freakish considering we've never met. (But we will!)

I am thinking about you all and know that you are all going to get through this.


Fantastagirl said...

Happy Mother's Day Bon!

Am so glad that you are out of the PICU - that is a great thing! You will meet many wonderfully strong moms while at the hospital, each in their own world - just know that each individual battle is hard, very hard.

Hugs to you!

Jo said...

Happy Mother's day. It sucks to be in the hospital on a holiday, but what a wonderful celebration to be out of the PICU. Yay and hopefully it won't take too long before you are home. Email me, I know how lonely and boring it is, perhaps I could come and visit for a bit.

sarah k. said...

Oh, I'm so glad she's ok. This is almost too hard for me. I can't imagine how it's been for you. How are Birdie and LaLa? I can't think of anything to say that can cover how I feel, and how I wish I could help or something.

the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

ohh, bonbon. so not fair. that you have to be tough for everybody, that this has happened. Oh dear oh dear.

So glad she's pulled through - kids heal so fast, this will be a blip for her.