Monday, November 14, 2005

Milk Angels

What I said about the wintry look of the scene outside? Well the Christmas Land that popped up over the weekend across the street? Not lovin' that so much. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those hyper-offendable people that grinds her teeth over the commercialization of the season and yah-da yah-da... I'm more of an "eye-roller" than a "tooth-grinder." I treat the "Christmas Aisle" that makes it's debut along with the "Halloween Aisle" in late September about the same way that I treat the soft-core porn that is Victoria's Secret and all of her slutty little advertising friends. That is to say, I try to avoid them until the time is right, like when I am underpants shopping or looking for that "just so" little number for a weekend getaway with my husband. Hmmm... which sadly, like Christmas Day itself, seems to only happen once a year lately. I'm simply not prepared to deal with any of this until the day AFTER Thanksgiving, and then I am alllllll about making the Yuletide bright.

So on Saturday, when I drug the two older girls and myself to the store for some milk ( Dad was home with the barfs and the sleeping baby) I was completely unprepared for the jolly holiday that hit me. Mind you, I can handle the tinsel, the trimmings and the eggnog flavored ice cream samples that the girls wore home. What caught me off my guard was what could only be a rip in the veil between this world and the next. O, the singing, the angelic singing! So there I was next to the cottage cheese sobbing my hormonal heart out as the other shoppers tried enjoy the Utah Children's Choir sing carols in the local supermarket. These things should come with a warning, sheesh. Like those cones they put out in rainy or stormy weather "FLOOR MAY BE SLIPPERY."

Enough of the premature noel, let's talk about what is right in front of me. I mean RIGHT OUT FRONT. Holy cow, no pun intended, but ummm...I think my milk has come in. In the past I have had a problem or two with delayed milk production... that is to say it makes it's appearance about a week after the baby... and it trickles in until we are finally up to speed. This time around, forewarned is forearmed so Dr. J has had me using Progesterone Cream for the last month or so. Ergo, I am right on schedule, as is a another thing heretofore never experienced by me or my two friends.

Engorgement. Aye-yi-yi a bowling alley ain't got nothin on me. That's all I have to say about that. Except, and I don't wish to seem ungrateful, but OWWWWWWW!


Becky..Absent Minded Housewife said...

Those big hospital pads that you are supposed to use...uh...down there? Use them in your bra. You will thank me.

Becky..Absent Minded Housewife said...

Christmas in SF. So rednecktacular! Tee Hee.

bon said...

Oh... DEAR!
that is NO JOKE!

DadGuy said...

Yeah and of course I'm relegated to a "look but don't touch" thing. Yeesh.

Heather said...

LOVE this post. :) You are hilarious, amiga!