just not today.
I think that I'm in the place where one has to ask one's self, "Self? Is this wallowing funk that you are slogging through, just a natural product of exterior and changing circumstance... or have you hit that point where a little help might be in order?"
Help. As in more than just some Progesterone Cream and a walk around the block? As in the problem is inside of me. As in drugs.
I'm resisting the urge to run away and join the circus by giving in to a smaller degree, and just running away to the computer... kind of hiding from my kids, the dishes and reee-spawwn-sihh-biiill-iiiii-teeeee. An ugly urge that turns a compliment that is paid to me as a "woman with great self-esteem who will raise her daughters to be comfortable with themselves," into "a fat chick with a lot of moxie, and a pretty OK mom too." Only my mind even gets hold of the "OK mom" bit and reminds me of how screamingly pissed at my daughters I was just this afternoon, when I discovered that, after explicit order to NOT DO IT AGAIN... they got themselves butt-nekkid and rolled in the freaking mud. In the not-quite-yet sixty degree weather. In the back yard, thankfully, but still! Self-esteem?
I say again, because pulled this same stunt yesterday, and I was pretty furious about it then.
So.... help a muthah out and write my next post for me as I get back on my feet.
The rules of this game are.... ask a question, any question and I will answer it in my next post. I may answer by giving you a parable if the question is too personal and/or gross, so do keep it relatively aboveboard...