just not today.
I think that I'm in the place where one has to ask one's self, "Self? Is this wallowing funk that you are slogging through, just a natural product of exterior and changing circumstance... or have you hit that point where a little help might be in order?"
Help. As in more than just some Progesterone Cream and a walk around the block? As in the problem is inside of me. As in drugs.
I'm resisting the urge to run away and join the circus by giving in to a smaller degree, and just running away to the computer... kind of hiding from my kids, the dishes and reee-spawwn-sihh-biiill-iiiii-teeeee. An ugly urge that turns a compliment that is paid to me as a "woman with great self-esteem who will raise her daughters to be comfortable with themselves," into "a fat chick with a lot of moxie, and a pretty OK mom too." Only my mind even gets hold of the "OK mom" bit and reminds me of how screamingly pissed at my daughters I was just this afternoon, when I discovered that, after explicit order to NOT DO IT AGAIN... they got themselves butt-nekkid and rolled in the freaking mud. In the not-quite-yet sixty degree weather. In the back yard, thankfully, but still! Self-esteem?
I say again, because pulled this same stunt yesterday, and I was pretty furious about it then.
So.... help a muthah out and write my next post for me as I get back on my feet.
The rules of this game are.... ask a question, any question and I will answer it in my next post. I may answer by giving you a parable if the question is too personal and/or gross, so do keep it relatively aboveboard...
GO!
12 comments:
Ok a question for you: What is your email address? (you probably have it posted somewhere and I'm a ditz for not being able to find it). Yeah, I know that's not exactly a question worth a post in response. LOL. I just wanted to personally thank you for a comment you left on my blog. Actually two comments on the same post... And as far as being intelligent and educated? Since when does being either depend on how many pieces of paper you have on the wall? Not in my eyes! The most educated people that I know never went to college. One didn't even finish high school. So yes, you are educated AND intelligent and this is why I enjoy reading your blog as well.
How’s that for boost for your self-esteem? I'm sure all your other readers are looking really puzzled right now and asking "what the heck is she talking about??" (see why I wanted your email)...
Anyhow, please have faith in yourself - the problem may be the weather, frustration, or a million other things. YOU, however, are an amazing individual and a wonderful mom. You’ve been through a LOT lately. Be patient and kind to yourself.
Back to the question of coming up with a question for a post…hmmm…what is your favorite season and why?
Have you posted about how you and Dadguy met? If so, can you point me that way? If not, then will you tell us all now?
1) When are you coming to visit?
2) When will Tink grow?
3) Will Pan keep his love for reading when he is older?
4) Why do I always burn my hands when I bake?
Assume for a moment that you were going to get a job outside the home. If that job could be anything you wanted, what would it be?
When is Dadguy going to post a real post? And will he ever finish finishing the basement?
What made you quit using? How long have you been clean and sober? (You probably have said this before, but I don't know when or where and I can't remember the answer.) The name that I gave the voice in my head that tells me how worthless I am is Chatterbox. Do you have a name for yours? Who is your favorite blogger whose name starts with Sh and ends with elli? (That is, in case you didn't know, my stock question. Everyone pretty much gets asked that question.)
I don't know if this is a very PC sentiment, but I think that kiddos rolling around nekkid in the mud in not-quite-sixty-degree weather — after having been expressly forbidden to do so — deserves a high-decibel expression of your displeasure.
I'm sorry you're in a funk, and I hope you're able to take care of yourself and step out of it soon. But cut yourself some slack — you've had an exhausting couple of months. I think I need to lie down just thinking about all you've been through lately.
OK. Questions:
One serious one, which is probably predictable in light of the recent religion postings: How did you come to the LDS church? And if it was something you were born into, did you ever make a conscious committment saying, yep, this is it for me?
And on a more lighthearted note:
What is: Your favorite movie? Favorite book? Favorite item of clothing? Favorite song? Favorite trip you ever took?
Hi. Love your blog. Are those your daughters real names or just nicknames for the blog? I think the names and the girls are both way toooooooo cute. God Bless.
You and Dadguy need to go on a weekend getaway!! You both have had an Exhausting few months. Have your MIL take the girls for a few days and just get away--Go south--where the weather is nice. You have to cut your self some slack-Having three little ones and one on the way can be overwhelming. Mom's are going to get mad and yell. My mom did, and I am sure your mom did too. But I don't really ever remember what she yelled at me for, unless I was in Major trouble. but I do remember the fun things she did.
What is your favorite bad movie?
Don't worry about the post Bon. Seriously, I'm going through some of the same junk as you are and I don't have any real answers. My doctor had a few...
Ah, crap I missed this one. That sucks. Is it too late...?
I don't know what I'd ask but it may be too late anyway.
Can I just say that I'm glad for someone else saying the things I feel, because I still am surprised any time I find out I'm not a freak.
Did you hose them down and sing "She's a Maniac" a la Tommy Boy? That can help with the urge to scream at the top of your lungs while pulling out large chunks of hair.
sheesh- can't believe I missed it!
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