Sunday, July 15, 2007

Sunday Pic: And So It Begins...

I am frustrated. I have me a little rant, but I cannot find a way to get it out there without a pig's trough full of backstory and family dirt. So y'all are going to get the shortened, sanitized version.

There is a sweet little six year old girl who loves my Birdie, and we spend a bit of time with her, but rarely with her mother. Yesterday, in the course of the swimming fun , she dropped the bomb that her mama had said that Birdie was fat. She went on to inform me that she didn't think so, and that she was angry with her mom for saying it.

I calmly told her that I disagreed with her mother. She was satisfied and ran off to play with my darling Bird and LaLa. Not sure what my face looked like, but Grandma was there and informed me that this has been something that has been troubling Misssixyearold for a few days. She has brought it up to Grandma several times, and that Misssixyearold has said if anyone calls Birdie "fat" that she will beat them up!

Who knows what her mother said. Who knows if she said it to this little girl, or in confidence to a friend, and her daughter just happened to overhear. Perhaps her mother never said such a thing at ALL. She is six, after all, and kids don't always understand everything they hear. Whatever was said, I'm sure she never meant it to get back to me or to my little girl.

Whatever. That's not what has pulled my pin.

What matters to me, is the damage is done. The bullet is in the chamber. The arrow knocked. And in Misssixyearold's world, being accused of being "fat" is a fighting offense. To her, being accused of being "fat" is a terrible thing. She appears to be aware of every nuance of insult that comes with the labeling a girl "fat."

Frankly, I am as concerned for the poison that has been fed to this little girl, as for the poison that has been offered, and will be offered to my Bird and all of Chaos. The same poison that I grew up on.

Not all little girls are going to love my Bird, and I'm willing to bet that many of them have been schooled in the same attitude by their own mothers and society at large. These children who do not love my Bird, will be using their arrows. She will learn their definitions for "fat," and what it means to be called that, because she is not stick effing thin.

I really thought that we would have at least until first grade before this kind garbage... and I thought that it would be coming from the kids.

There will be no pictures of Chaos this week.... I had thought to post a photo of Birdie, she has lost a second tooth. But now I'll have to think about it, this world hardly deserves to be graced with such beauty.




15 comments:

shoeaddict said...

Bon, I cried when I read this. I cried because it's just all too much. Because self esteem, or lack of it, is what got me in trouble at a young age. I'm passionate about teaching young girls about self-esteem.

I don't have children and I really don't know what I'll do when we do and this type of thing happens.

How can a 5 (is that how old she is?) year old be fat? What is that anyway?

I'm so sad because there is no picture of the Beautiful Birdie and her missing teeth.

Nobody™ said...

That's messed up. It seems that sort of crap is starting at a younger age than when I was a kid. I think of a lot of it is that there are a lot fewer good parents out there these days.

Fantastagirl said...

This just breaks my heart. Birdie is such a beautiful girl. Makes me want to give that Mom a piece of my mind - that is just mean - what was she thinking?

Mama D said...

Poison is the perfect word. I am so sorry for all of that garbage.

If it helps reading this reminds me of how careful I need to be around A as she grows because I know that my self esteem is terrible especially when it comes to weight issues. And I don't want any of it to rub of on her. I won't allow that to happen.

Tracey said...

I'm so sorry she has to be exposed to the insults already... I guess the silver lining here could be that you were brought into the loop early on and made aware of it? At least you have a heads' up, you know? Hugs...

Blogarita said...

I hardly know what to say. It's bad enough that some adults have skewed (ok, make that screwed) ideas about what is and isn't attractive, what their bodies "should" or "shouldn't" look like. But feeding this poison...and you have that right by calling it poison...is inexcusable.

Jo said...

They are six! Six and already the world intrudes with its' ugly message about the worth of a woman. I am sad with you.

the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

Ouch.

I think that six year olds understand loyalty to their pals before they understand all the stigma and nuances and crap that comes with the word "fat". And that's a beautiful thing.

No matter what, I think it's important that you learn to discharge the stigma that word has for yourself before you heap that on your own girls. They will read your confidence around this issue - if they sense that Mama has no baggage with this, then they will have no reasons to take on their own baggage...

That's where the self esteem thing comes from.

Love yourself first, your children will learn from you.

Superwoman said...

Some kids just pick up on these things. We have had to have a lot of talks with cookiemonster lately about the fat thing. Lately he seems to have picked up on the negative implications of calling someone fat and decided he won't like people who are fat. Where he learned this I DON'T KNOW. Sushiboy and I don't talk this way. Anyways, we have had to have lots of talks about how the size of a person doesn't matter and we shouldn't be mean to someone who is not skinny. Hopefully it is getting through. We keep bringing up all the people we know who don't look like models and how much he loves them. Anyways, the point of my rant is that mabey this little girl heard this from someone else and not from Mommy and if she were aware of it she would be horrified. I know I was when cookiemonster said what he said. I'm so sorry Bon, good luck on handeling this.

Jd said...

The friggin' pirate has a point.

Post the PICTURE!

"The best revenge is a life well lived."--too tired to remember.

Yay! for little girls who love their friends.

Tell her mamma to stick her comments up her POOPER!

Sorry about the midnight volgarity.

looney said...

Hi, I'm a mom who likes to read your blog, and this was sad. It doesn't matter what else you do in life, once you are labeled the "fat" kid, that's all anyone thinks of you...not the smart girl, not the artistic girl, you are the fat girl...Even if you get thin, you then become the girl who was fat...
Tell your daughter she is perfect just the way she is, that she is the size she is supposed to be, and that everybody is different sizes, shapes and colors, and none is better than any other. Tell her she has a beautiful body. Tell "missixyearold" this too...maybe if she hears this from another mom it will compensate for whatever she's picked up elsewhere...

elizasmom said...

This should not be on kids' minds. Sadly, it's not unusual and it's not new. my best friend in first grade was picked on for being "fat" and actually went on a diet over the summer. And was welcomed back into school at the start of second grade like a prodigal son. It was only years later that the ick factor of this struck me. People should get beyond fat or skinny and think in terms of people being at the weight that makes them feel — physically and emotionally — healthy.

On The Losing Side said...

Hi. I read your blog often but rarely comment. I'm also a NM transplant -- now living in horrible, humid Louisiana. Anyway...

The fact that the six year old found the word fat so distasteful is sad. It's wonderful that she felt she would defend her friend if someone were to call her this "horrid" name, but such a sad situation that at a young age she already thinks FAT is one of the worst things in the world to be called.

I am a fat person. Last year I had gastric by-pass and am now LESS fat, but still fat. I suspect I always will be. I have noticed that people seem to think being fat is worse than being drunk. Being on drugs. Basically other than serial killing, I suspect FAT ranks up there with every other hineous thing people can think of.

Birdie is lucky to have you as a mom. I hope you are able to instill in her a sense of love and self-love, coupled with a healthy dose of self-esteem.

I'm sorry you didn't post a picture of her. I would have loved to see her (though I'm hoping there are pictures way back in previous posts that I have missed).

Meredith said...

It is a poison arrow and I wish there was a way to discharge it. I remember being teased for being fat as far back as 7 years old. It was horrible pain and hurt my self esteem and, as many larger people will tell you, it never does go away. Birdie is beautiful and lucky to have a mom looking out for her self esteem.

Ryann said...

Bonnie-- just thought I'd check out your blog today and came upon this. What crap that this even exists. This post brought tears to my eyes. I guess having sons eliminates almost all of the "fat" issue. I have always loved your Bird and thought from her newbornness on up she is one of the most beautiful children I have ever laid eyes on. Not that it matters what ANYONE thinks.
By loving yourself she will have the best shot possible--- you are her definition of a woman. One of my personal favorites, hands down.