Monday, July 16, 2007

Stigmas and Chaos

Lest there be any confusion... my Birdie is not fat. Perhaps by some sicko, anorexic definition she could be considered such, but people with that definition do not interest me, except that I wish them all the thinness they treasure. May they waste away to nothing.*

Wow. Usually I try to keep it a little more upbeat than that around here.

Pirate hit it on the head in her comment...

..."No matter what, I think it's important that you learn to discharge the stigma that word has for yourself before you heap that on your own girls. They will read your confidence around this issue - if they sense that Mama has no baggage with this, then they will have no reasons to take on their own baggage... That's where the self esteem thing comes from. Love yourself first, your children will learn from you."

I have baggage with this word, and it shines right on through. By the time I was seven years old I "knew" that I was fat.

Dude. I wasn't fat.

I had been on at least two fad diets by the time I was twelve because I was "fat". I was a regular looking kid... not stick thin, but not fat by any far stretch.

Anyone around me that did not fall into the category of "model thin" looked fat to me, and that is a jacked-up way to live.

My brain works differently today, but I am faced with the task of raising Chaos, true and proper Chaos. The kind of Chaos that couldn't give a rat's hind end for "fat" or "thin," or any crappy labels. It's time to shed all the cringing and hiding I did growing up.

I gotta be busy raising Chaos like this!

...and this!

...and this!

* I do not wish ill for people struggling with eating disorders, I am only angry at those who would label a five year old girl as "fat."


Meredith said...

They are gorgeous and wonderful!

elizasmom said...

1. Right on!

2. On a completely different note, I have noticed this before, but these pictures reminded me that your girls, all three, have the most GORGEOUS hair. That warm, Renaissance-painter red! That lovely, streaky blond! I have paid arms and legs in pursuit of both colors and have never gotten anywhere close to either.

Mama D said...

I hope my comment on the last post didn't upset you. I just noticed while reading it how upset it made me and then it made me aware of my own baggage and how careful I need to be about it. Your girls are amazing. I especially love the last one. I don't know if it was random but their 'makeup' looks professional. Like they are about to get into costume for "A Midsummer Night's Dream" or something.

Blogarita said...

Your girls are beautiful!

Young-Ah Soon said...

Your girls are precocious and adorable! Certainly not fat, although your oldest is a bit on the chubby side...I am certain that she'll grow out of it, though, as her height begins to shoot upwards!

bon said...


My jaw is dropped.

shoeaddict said...

Mine too. Since I'm sure you don't want me to use my crass and ugly words I feel, I won't but I want to.
Birdie's legs go on and on... are you tall? I agree that her hair color is amazing. Pearl seems tall for her age, too. Lucky!!
I'm so very glad you put up pictures.

Nancy said...

Your girls are beautiful and happy. And I think those are the only "labels" that matter. Everyone who would use other descriptions needs to go away. :-)

bon said...

She IS a leggy kiddo... and extreeeeemly tall! She hasn't been on the percentile charts since her first birthday and is as tall as most kids who are two years older than her.

Fantastagirl said...

wow - uhm Young-ah Soon - I think you missed the point... the oldest is a beautiful gal - she is beautiful - she is not fat, if took her height and weight - she may be off the charts, but her weight is fine for her height. (and when it comes to obsessing over height and weight charts, I am the queen)

Am I the only person who sees the smile, the eyes (the sparkle in their eyes?) and the hair, and thinks - in about 12 years Bon and Dadguy are going have major problems on their hands - boys are going to be in lines waiting to date their daughters.

sarah k. said...

And she's only freaking 5!!! He who starts labelling 5 year olds deserves a special place in Hell. My mom's been living with what people did to her when she was young, and she's been through anorexia, bulimia, horrible self-image, all that. She's beautiful. I tell her so, and her husband tells her so, yet she can't believe us, because of what people said to her when she was a kid in the 50's, when in was in vogue to be under 100 pounds as a grown woman. Grown woman, I ask you. The boy look is not attractive for females, so don't let yours get that in their heads. I have feelings on this subject.

The Kept Woman said...

Just found you at Fantasagirrrrrrrrrrrrl's...Um yeah, and this isn't the first time I've heard this. A little girl on my street is 5 and was concerned with only eating Special K b/c she wanted to lose KINDERGARTEN. It's definitely a social issue that stems largely from marketing (a naked woman selling a watch? a watch? how does that require a hot, nude woman?) and is completely understood by the youngest of girls. But for another mom to say this? (sigh) repeat EVERYTHING.

Great post and subject!

the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

they're beautiful! height, weight - who the ef cares. They're gorgeous and they're thriving.

Go sistah - discharge that word and LIVE HAPPY!

Lynanne said...

I started to comment earlier but then got so upset that I had to walk away from the computer. In the meantime, my monitor died (again) and I lost the comment. It's probably for the best. I was writing a book. :)

Everyone else said it better than I could. Your children are beautiful. It hurts my heart to hear people refer to them as chubby, fat, etc. It's not simply not true. I would use adjectives like healthy, thriving, and normal.

One thing that upsets me about adults who obsess over their child's weight to the point that the child is skeleton-thin is that those children are starved of vital nutrients (including fat and oils) that are NEEDED for proper brain development. So very sad :(