Thursday, January 05, 2006

Princess Baphomet

February third is Birdie' s birthday... she will be four years old. That is, if I let her live that long because holy HELL! she has been possessed by the evil demon of the "Disney Princess Party."

It started evil and got worse, and it's probably all my fault. In the beginning of the evening Dadguy took the girls to our mailbox to pick up the mail in hopes that a DVD we purchased online a week before Christmas was here YET. (can you say "negative ebay feedback?) In our mailbox was a piece of snail mail spam, a catalogue hawking birthday party goods a.k.a. "The Book of the Damned." I must have gotten sloppy somewhere, because it was addressed to me. Oh, look! These purveyors of kiddie-crack have a website right here.... which means that YOU my dear friends get to see the picture that spawned Birdies worst meltdown EVER.

It was after dinner that the real mistake was made. I thought to myself..."Self, the Bird loves all things party... maybe she would like to have a gander at that there magazine of pornography disguised as party goods." Ummmm, yeah she would and she did. It was around the time that she got to the pink section that her head began to spin around. Slowly. So slowly that I missed this cue to call in an exorcist right now! She began a heathen "party dance" and sing-songing "I wanna buy THIS party, THIS party, THIS party!" in that nails-on-chalkboard voice that is normally exclusive to the statement "I wanna PONY Daddy, a PONY!"

I said, "we won't buy THAT party, but I will put together a great princess party for you for your birthday if that's what you would like!" I get pretty enthused by parties, and I had been planning on making this kind of cake for her anyhoo. I have the Pampered Chef glass mixing bowl to bake the skirt part in and some Wilton paraphernalia. I'm crafty like that!

But

what she heard was..."sure thing honey, grab yer coat and I'll grab the deed to the house. We'll take out a second mortgage and GET you that party, Aaaand we'll have that party complete with guests all set up for ya in about half an hour!"

Birdie is a very animated girl, prone to drama of a vivacious and silly type... but she has not been much of what I term a "Drama-Queen". You know what I mean, the hysterics and over the top wailing that some kids do. This is not a judgement on kids like this, or their parents cuz some folks just come wired that way, I have simply never seen THIS kid pull out the stops.

What I meant to say was HAD never seen her do it. Shoot me in the head, because we are not gonna make it.


The offending picture was actually WORSE than what you see in the link, I just took a closer look and realised that.

9 comments:

Heather said...

I'm so glad it happens to all parents sometimes. You are a funny lady, Bon! :)

Shelli said...

I have received that magazine before. Luckily, it was when my son was at just the right age so he didn't have the meltdown that say my first born would have.

How the heck are ya?

Becky..Absent Minded Housewife said...

How to make a stinking Castle Birthday Cake.

Bake one 9x11 cake. Bake one 8x8 cake. Buy one box of sugar type ice cream cones.

Throw down big cake on a tray. Flop the small cake on top in the middle. Stick four cones upside-down on each corner of the big cake. Stick four cones upside-down on each corner of the small cake.

Ice the whole thing fuschia pink. Make little flags for the tips of the cones out of sticks of zebra-stripe froot bubble gum.

Make it glittery with pink colored sugar. Throw some skittles on there for texture.

Add other sugar type items...like marshmallows for battlements and a blue jello moat.

(I did this, except for a boy and I made grey icing. Do you know that grey icing is difficult to make?)

bon said...

I want pix... surely you documented this constuction! HMMMMmmm a castle cake. Now I gotta go google for pix, unless ya want to email me one.

Anonymous said...

Breanne used to get blue lips and actually passed out a couple of times. Yet here she is almost 16 and I havn't killed her yet. Party on!!!!!

Anonymous said...

What is Baphomet? Or who is Baphomet? Or what does it mean?
Rhymes with bath mat, right? MS

bon said...

Baphomet was a demon

Lou said...

LOL! I made the mistake of showing Jonas an oriental trading company catty a few days ago. similar effect.
will not make same mistake twice.

Hanoverian said...

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