Thursday, August 30, 2007

Thursday

It's important too fall in with a good crowd, and make quality friends who will help you excel when school starts; it sets the tone for the whole year. This lesson is really hitting home since KindyG has started. I've hooked up with some other moms and we are all motivated to go walking every morning until the snow starts; and then we will be hanging with Billy and the like at the local church cultural hall. I might even get frisky and try some yoga. We have been hitting it like athletes this week.

I'm hoping Birdie and LaLa can swing some good pals too.

So, of course Birdie is home sick today. Poor kid, getting in her mama's way.

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Last night Pearl had a straight up nightmare. She was sobbing hysterically, and I thought that she was hurt. I ran in to the girl's room to find her laying on her tummy, still mostly asleep. I patted her back to sleep; but something in me broke.

I'm telling you, I was wrapped in some sort of buffering material this May, that's the only explanation for how I survived the fear and pain my child went through. The closer we get to these tests, the more horrified I am getting. I have no way of explaining to her that these tests need to be done, and they won't hurt. Please, just hold still for a minute.

She is so afraid, and I am starting to question the necessity of these tests. If it were up to Dadguy, the answer would be a flat "no." And the only reason for that, is he doesn't use profanity except for when he's trying to make me laugh. Otherwise it'd be a resounding "____ no!" He supports my decision to do these tests to ease my mind, to wrap it up; but he doesn't think they are at all medically necessary. He has an uncanny sense of what is and what isn't; the man is rarely wrong when it comes to stuff like this. Sometime I wish he were the mom. If this had been up to him, it never would have gone on for so long; he would have pushed harder, made them look closer, it would have been found sooner.

...and yet, I still do need these tests. I need that stamp of approval. Fini.

Today I am calling the surgeon's office. I think we could manage to do one day of tests, but they are going to have to offer some highly compelling reasons to convince me that all of this must be done and split up into multiple days. Sorry to beat this horse to the pieces, but time has not eased some parts of the horrors of this spring.

Am horrified to make her do the tests... unable NOT to do them.


8 comments:

Brittany said...

You have to trust your gut! It usually knows! I am the same way..I want someone with some schooling behind them to tell me that everything is fine, then I can relax! It is so hard when they don't understand what is happening...poor pearl! Your in our prayers!

gingerstory said...

Bon,

Part of the reason they may want to do these tests is to learn more about the healing and what to expect for the next poor kid. It's kind of like doing others a favor, but of course you have to make sure it doesn't harm you or yours in the process. The info. they give you as a parent has to come from somewhere and they are always learning. Some of the stuff I've done with my babies I've done for this reason.

And can I tell you how awesome I think it is that you're walking! That sounds so fun and healthy, I'm thinking about walking with my dog.. :) Girl, you need to teach me how to make friends!

Linds

Mama D said...

Because I love ya so much I wish I could erase all of your worry about the tests and I understand your need to know. Soon it will be behind you and you won't have to think and worry about it anymore!

Yay for the walking and for Billy. I know how much better I feel when I get a little me time and a little exercise - great!

elizasmom said...

r.e. Billy — You Tube has a video of Billy Blanks getting flattened in about 2 seconds by a man who's kind of a local celebrity/political figure 'round these parts:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOI3IKf93BI

And for the other stuff, I agree with what everyone else has said — and I also wonder if the tests are causing a kind of a PTSD reaction in you, for lack of a better word. I think you were too busy dealing with the emergency of it all in May to really process everything, and you are transferring the emotions of that time to this related event. You all went througth he(ck) in May, and that has to work itself out somehow.

bon said...

Holy SMOKES! Dude is wise to stick with workout videos... looks like he may have a glass jaw.

Not, mind you, that I could take a kick like that square on the chin.

huh...PTSD. Possible.

anne at annenahm.com said...

I hear you on the test things - I went into my daughter's treatment thinking, "whatever pain here is worth her being a healthy adult."

But by the end I was thinking, "maybe a few less painful things now will help her be a healthy adult."

In the end, I had to do every test until the doctor said, "she doesn't even need a check-up for another 3 years"

Because you are right - not knowing is the so awful.

(Mine had hip dysplasia if I'm just babbling and you are thinking, "what is she even talking about?" :^))

sarah k. said...

Deep breaths. Try the yoga. Sometimes when I'm stressed or waiting or something, I count. I guess it's meditation. I count my breaths, or just seconds. It helps to have something to focus on, so the fear can't seize my brain and drive me mad. And she won't remember it. I swear, she won't. Have Dadguy do a blessing and make sure he asks for forgetfulness, for you both.

jd said...

Oh dude this just sucks. I am waiting for you to go through all the KindyG stuff so I can have an idea how it will be for me next year.

Ahh pearly girl. So sorry.