There is a letter that I am struggling with the writing of... I have two solid starts that just peter out about two paragraphs in. The problem is my standard difficulty with self censorship. I have to write to my insurance company to appeal their refusal to pay for the Ambulance ride from Town Hospital to Primary Children's Hospital up in Salt Lake City. They claim that they don't have to pay for ambulance service when it is not an emergency.
There is the difference between the letter that I want to write and the letter that I need to write in order to make those schmuckity-ducks pay. The letter that I WANT to write? Dude, I cannot even post that sucker on this blog, at least not if I want to keep my family friendly status. And I do.
I have given myself a deadline of having it written by Thursday and sent by Friday... they only give you 180 days to appeal, and who knows how many letters this will take.
So here is the blogworthy version of the Letter.... let's see if I can get past paragraph two.
Attention: Schmuckity-ducks at Lame-O Insurance Company,
I recently received a bill from Real Cool Ambulance Co, saying that y'all are refusing to pay them for the services they rendered to our daughter, Pearl Baby Chaos on December 7th, 2006. I couldn't understand why this would be so, as we have the kind of insurance that makes us pay 100% of all medical costs until we, as a family hit our massive freaking deductible. Once the level of "massive freaking deductible" has been reached then Y'ALL are supposed to kick in and pay 100% of everything after that. We have this kind of insurance in case of emergency. This kind of insurance is only good for emergency's and crisis', and we pay our premiums in hopes that we never actually have to prevail upon a Shylock bunch of schmuckity-ducks like YOU to pay our medical bills.
Emergency=scary bad stuff
Well, we hit our deductible and expect y'all to pay for a while. And to your credit, Lame-O Insurance Company is paying for most of it. Just not the two thousand plus for the ambulance because, as your representative on the phone stated... our plan does not pay for ambulance service when used for anything other than an emergency.
That ambulance was ordered by our ENT surgeon who was concerned that an emergency tracheotomy would need to be performed on the way to the bigger, cooler hospital. Are y'all good for tracheotomies? Because I'm not, and I would prefer to have the assistance of a trained professional for that kind of maneuver. And there is that word: Emergency, that goes so well with the other word: Tracheotomy. But you couldn't know that from where you sit, so I am telling you now. The doctor is also telling you... see enclosed letter. Also, for your viewing pleasure, the DVD of the Laryngoscopy performed on her just prior to her ambulance ride . What you see in the DVD is a small camera on the end of a rubber tube going down her throat. The big, dark pause in the movie is the doctor having to push hard and wriggle the camera around in order to shove that tiny camera down the tinier amount of space she had left to breath through. Even a schmuckity... I mean, a LAYMAN can see that an unknown SOMETHING was pressing her windpipe shut.
The thing that kills me is that you did not make your decision to refuse payment in a vacuum. You are surely aware that at Primary Children's there was a slew of diagnostics done, as well as surgery and a night spent on the intensive care ward. You payed the crappin' bills, so I HOPE you were aware of this. And yet, this was not an emergency?
Yeah... y'all are pissing me off. Pay. Now.