Yesterday the Chaos and I drove Dadguy to work. This entailed dropping the Corolla off at the local "Big O" and then on to his work. Since neither Dadguy nor myself do "mornings" very well, the girls were still in their jammies and had sippies of milk clutched in their paws. I had just discovered that the Corolla has now hit the age where we have to get the emissions checked every year prior to registration as opposed to every other year. (side rant: at what point does it make sense to suck MORE funds out of the pockets of the very folks who cannot afford better cars?!) We may all have been a little crusty. Birdie was strapped in back kvetching about this, that and the other. She has hit an all new, and I must say FUN age, where everything that I request is answered with "NO!" and every suggestion I offer has the stench of pure giraffe offal.
At some point I hollered back "Birdie! You are a PILL!"
"No.... I'm not!" She hollers back in the same tone, "I am a OGRE!"
There are a number of factors that pushed me over the blogging edge last week ... not the least of which is the hour to an hour and a half long sobbing and crabbing struggle to avoid sleep, that my sweet Pearl has engaged in with me. Three. Times. A. Freaking. Day. See.. she can sit herself up in bed and crawl around now, and because she can? She must. MUST! I am winning this battle and slowly, tectonically slowly, the Pearl is realizing it. This party atmoshere is taking a stiff toll on my emotional reserves however, and those reserves are not much punkin at this point in my life. It could be said that I have no reserve. Everything I've got is on the table and those kids are eating my lunch.
By the way? Because I was oot and aboot, the blogosphere has completely missed the Dadguys Birthday last week. It has come and gone without a single Happity-Bloggity-Beakity-Doo! Here is my official sigh of relief that he is now got an age with a "3" in the front! It's hard being well into your thirties with a 20 something spouse, and as we all know IT'S ALL ABOUT ME! At least on my own crappin' blog.
My parents were in town last week... Pop had some workstuff to take care of and Mamacita came along for the ride. She came and helped me with my... erm, laundry quandary. I can manage to wash it, but fold it and put it away? mmm.
Because of my Mom's hard work, and little-girl-dress-hanging skills, I have been reminded this week why it is that I usually do NOT hang their dresses up. The dresses stay in a pile on top of the sock basket. When in a hung state in the closet, the dresses? They are Chaos available. Every dress in the house has been tried on and discarded in the past day and a half... yay. I am back to square one.
I have been thinking about my hiding. I never show full, or clear pictures of myself on this blog. I tell myself it is for safety reasons... heh. It's because of shame. I am ashamed of how I look. There has been a shifting in my world and self-view lately. Much of it is due to the Shape of a Mother website and the love of a good man. I thought that I'd post a picture of myself here... and realized that there are virtually NO recent shots of me. This is not OK, no matter what kind of self image struggles I may be having. What if something were to happen to me tomorrow? What would the girls have to remember me by?
I am who I am, and I look how I look right now. Most of my life my 5' 9" have worn size 16 and size 18... right now I wear... sizes bigger than that, and with three young kids and very little free time, I will continue to wear those sizes. There will be no pictures of my tummy... BUT of the self portraits that I snapped the other day... this is the picture my girls agree looks like their mama. As more pictures are taken, I will share them. I am bon the Mama.... I am a bon mama.