Thursday, August 17, 2006

Hustle and Flow

Dang, y'all are too kind! *blushes furiously* I am just glad to be back. Mostly.

See, I have this post all writ up in my head about "To Blog or Not to Blog...That is the Question." But it has so been done before, and by better bloggers than I. Who know how to make the topic interesting, funny, ummm.... and their points cogent, their sentences making use of actual grammar. But no matter how many times the topic has been covered, it really comes down to will you or won't you and the happy-crappy reasons why. Or why not.

Obviously I have decided to give it another whirl and I am hoping that an increased honesty in my bloggin' will fix part of what has been ailing me. Mind ya... total honesty is just not possible for me in the bon mama persona... as in my family (hiya folks) know all about this blog, and some of them actually read it regularly. Therefore, you will not be privy to my family rants. To be fair, I check my stats and as far as I can tell? The people I would be kvetching about do NOT keep up with this site.... but they DO know about it, and the day I throw a familial diatribe on the old bloggity, is the day they are SURE to think to themselves... "I wonder what ol' Bon is up to?" This is really too bad 'cause I am related to some real characters. Again if you are reading this? Chances are I am not talking about YOU... probably.

That said, I would like to proceed to assure myself a place in a cut-rate nursing home, by sharing with you that Birdie does not wipe when she tinkles. Because of this, we try to make sure she gets a bath every night with some supervised "bum scrubbie" action. She is also not particularly stellar at the wiping of... the other. Not due to lack of PAPER usage, oh NO! All the paper that she conserves in her more frequent visits, she cashes in on when it comes to #2... plus interest. Lots of interest. I think she's in training to be a toilet paper loan shark, she uses THAT much. We could decorate a Maypole.
Two days ago I'm pretty sure I heard her muttering something about Breaking LaLa's kneecaps for using the cardboard center of a roll as a pretend trumpet.

It was bad enough when we used the standard TP, but last time I was at Costco they had the Charmin Ultra on sale, and I'm a chick.... I like a clean, soft sensation when I wipe my booty so I bought some. The thing is... with the Ultra Charmin, you are
supposed to use less because it is so very thickity-soft. I'm gonna patent that phrase "thickity-soft" and sell it to the Charmin folks, 'cause that's what it is "thickity-soft." It is also sudden death on our sad little cheapest-the-builders-could-install toilets. Try explaining this to a four year old. Because of her paper habits, there is often at least one clogged toilet in the house at any given moment during the day, and the plunger has seen much business of late.

Yesterday it was the toilet in the master bath. Yup Dadguy, I knew it was clogged, and periodically I would go and try to flush it to see if the paper that was stopping up the works was disintegrated enough to move... everything... on through. Ahem, which it never did. I can do this because my Mom taught all of her kids a little trick that saves you from EVER having to clean up after an overflowing or over... flowed (?) flown (?) toilet. The trick involves lifting the top off of the tank portion and pushing the little stopper down over the little hole, and that stops any more water from going into the bowl. In our house growing up, if you were the one to overflow a toilet? You got to clean it up whether you were the initial culprit of cloggitude or not. I have developed an almost OCD need to watch when I flush to make sure that all of my hustle is flowing properly, if you know what I mean.

Me... OCD about toilet action.
Dadguy... not so much.

Yeah.... from here on out we're gonna be adopting my Mom's house rules about "he or she who overflows." Bah!


Nikkie said...

First: Cloggitude make me laugh out loud. Seriously!

I totally agree with the ways of if you made it over flow, you get to clean it up. I peronally a big fan of flushing the toilet a million times until it doesn't get better and you have to use the toilet tools!

Nobody said...

Charmin bad. Cause much cloggageitude

yeah, 4 year olds love to clog the john. We had to have the plumber over once on a saturday afternoon and use the closet snake to open ours up after someone used a roll or 6 of charmin.

And just because the plumber said the toilet can flush 12 golf balls, doesn't mean we should.

I love reading your blog. The Chaos give you lots of fun stories to psot about. So don't you be leaving again!

Mrs. Nobody said...

At least he didn't charge us for the visit!

growing up - we had the same rule - if it overflowed on you - you cleaned it up... ewwww...

bon said...

Golf balls... now THAT's a toilet!

momofalltrades said...

I'm so glad you're back. I just love reading your blog.

I have a non wiper too BTW. Shaping up to be two of them in fact.

DadGuy said...

Okay, so this morning I groggily walk into the bathroom. Per usual, the toilet is there, un-flushed. so, like the gentleman I am, I flush the toilet. Something was happening with the kids out in the bedroom, so I turned around and started walking out of the bathroom, when something didn't sound quite right. I turned around and... wha? the toilet is overflowing!

So... how is leaving a toilet clogged for nearly 24 hours MY FAULT?


Blogarita said...

I've noticed that a lot of us think about "retiring" from blogging, but we don't want anyone else to do the same.

I hope you stick around.

Nobody said...

It was a setup, Dadguy! My kids do that to me, they notice that the toilet is flushing quite right, but they wait for me to go in there and discover it on my own.

Stephanie said...

HAHAHAHA!!! This was too funny! We had that same problem at my house. We had a toto installed. The new rule is you can only poop in that toilet. Imagine that, having a pooping rule. Maybe that is why DD2 won't potty train.