Eulogy (Just Shy)
just shy of a funeral for my boy
really, almost
so close
so much blood
and pain
but we are planning a LIFE here
not a funeral
then why?
why do I breathe in grief
and every exhalation is
heavy
with bitter tears
my mouth stretched
wide to ripping
behind frail hands
covering
airless screams
but we are planning a LIFE here
not a funeral
then why?
why do I hear a dirge
and a keening ululation
echoing in my newly
emptied
eviscerated heart
as I lay to rest the boy
that was before
before
before he did THIS
selfishly I weep
as I bury that boy
the one who was
who came just shy
really, almost
so close
so much blood
and pain
and then I turn to embrace
this stranger
with his face
with the path
this LIFE before him
that I never dreamed
or imagined
or wished
O, God
O, angels attend
as I bury my sweet boy
who is gone
there is room for his lifeless body
here, in my heart
so much room now
and I then will turn to my son
who is left
who is living
scarred and scared
but alive
We are planning a LIFE here
not a funeral
