Tuesday, April 09, 2024

Just Shy

 Eulogy (Just Shy)


just shy of a funeral for my boy

really, almost

      so close

so much blood

and pain


but we are planning a LIFE here

not a funeral


then why?

why do I breathe in grief

and every exhalation is

       heavy 

with bitter tears


my mouth stretched 

wide to ripping

behind frail hands

        covering 

airless screams


but we are planning a LIFE here

not a funeral


then why?

why do I hear a dirge 

and a keening ululation 

echoing in my newly

      emptied

eviscerated heart


as I lay to rest the boy 

that was before

      before

before he did THIS


selfishly I weep

as I bury that boy

the one who was

who came just shy

really, almost

      so close

so much blood

and pain


and then I turn to embrace

this stranger 

   with his face

with the path

this LIFE before him


that I never dreamed 

or imagined 

or wished


O, God

O, angels attend

as I bury my sweet boy

who is gone

there is room for his lifeless body 

here, in my heart

so much room now


and I then will turn to my son

who is left

who is living

scarred and scared

but alive


We are planning a LIFE here

not a funeral


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

My heart breaks for his pain and what you all have been through. I love this thought of planning for a new LIFE to be lived. Know that you are all in our thoughts and prayers. Take care - 🤍Kirstin