Just Shy

 Eulogy (Just Shy)

just shy of a funeral for my boy

really, almost

      so close

so much blood

and pain

but we are planning a LIFE here

not a funeral

then why?

why do I breathe in grief

and every exhalation is

       heavy 

with bitter tears

my mouth stretched 

wide to ripping

behind frail hands

        covering 

airless screams

but we are planning a LIFE here

not a funeral

then why?

why do I hear a dirge 

and a keening ululation 

echoing in my newly

      emptied

eviscerated heart

as I lay to rest the boy 

that was before

      before

before he did THIS

selfishly I weep

as I bury that boy

the one who was

who came just shy

really, almost

      so close

so much blood

and pain

and then I turn to embrace

this stranger 

   with his face

with the path

this LIFE before him

that I never dreamed 

or imagined 

or wished

O, God

O, angels attend

as I bury my sweet boy

who is gone

there is room for his lifeless body 

here, in my heart

so much room now

and I then will turn to my son

who is left

who is living

scarred and scared

but alive

We are planning a LIFE here

not a funeral