Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Quick Note

To Chaos:

I have been asking this of you for several months now, and I will continue to remind, cajole, beg and plead for your assistance in thwarting our budding water sports enthusiast by closing the bathroom door. Just shutting the lid on the toilette not only is no impediment to his nasty splashery, but he is trying to perfect his toilet-brush javelin throw. Shut. That. Door.

Along the same vein, Henry has developed a strong interest in Xtreme Freestyle Stairwell Descent, and that "spring loaded self closing gate" that we have at the top of the stairs? Not so self closing. Help a muthuh out?

Also, I understand that y'all may experience technical difficulties occasionally when "taking care of business" in the bathroom. Happens to the best of us, but let me re-re-reiterate: if you should, by any misfortune, find yourself with bodily functions upon you fingers? The protocol is as follows: Wipe fingers on toilet paper conveniently stationed near the john, then wash hands with soap and water, dry on towel hanging on wall. If you review the previous protocol I am sure you will find that nowhere in there is any mention of the shower curtain. No. Where. Nada. Zip. Not there. So quit it.

And speaking of wiping, let us not forget the many boxes of tissue that I have stationed round the house. Yes, they have been place up a little higher than usual to keep them out of Henry's "she love me she loves me not" plucking range, but they are nonetheless still in your line of sight. For the love of Pete. Use them. The hallway walls, both upstairs and down are lousy tissues and your slug trails are lousy decor.

As you were.

9 comments:

JenK said...

Ahhh, childhood is a wonderful thing.
Oh god- I hope your speaking about the children? Please?

Becky..AMHW said...

One of my children will wipe boogers on the walls. It's so adorable. :I

elizasmom said...

Bwahhahahahaha! And: I'm sorry. Mine wipes her boogers on me, if it's any consolation...

Sibley Saga .... said...

Hah! The things I have to look forward to!

You should talk to Sunni about her kiddo's poop smears on the wall that she'd find after nap-time. Duct tape baby. He couldn't get those diapers off (to work his magic) until his mother said so!!!

Dina said...

Oh my gosh, I'm so glad we are beyond this stage! Thanks for the memories, though. Ugh.

Robbie said...

You kill me!!!!!!! You should print, frame and hang this post.
Classic.

Mama D said...

Yep. This should be published, framed and sold to parents around the world.

Shoeaddict said...

I'm laughing SO HARD

Jennifer said...

Ok, I know this is an older post, but I am new to your blog and am reading through the archives. I have just decided that we are living parallel lives based on this post. I laughed so hard it hurt. Thanks for the reminder that kids are the same and I am not necessarily raising heathens :)