If I were a Simpson

Get Simpsonized

TV

5 Minutes For Mom is giving away a flatscreen TV... go give it a shot!

Thanks Best Buy!

Canadians welcome, go Mama D, GO!

Winner!

Being a parent in catastrophic situations can change a human being for the better, if that human is open to that kind of change. By catastrophic, I mean.... the toddler experience. When Pearl was born...Birdie was three and LaLa was not yet two. For those of you who have never done anything like this, or lack imagination... I am talking about procreation that rates about an 8.75 on the Richter Scale. The entire month of May this year was another form of a catastrophic event in parenting. Day to day living with a narrowed scope of ambition, is also a form of erosion to my creative heart.

When I think about the ways that I am changing, I think in terms of a rough and shattered lump of stone; interesting yeah, but uncomfortable to hold in your hand, especially if you grip it hard. I think I am that stone, and motherhood is water. Oceanic water, river water, dripping water, rolling me and tumbling me and eroding the parts that stick out. Sometimes I miss those stick-out interesting parts, sometimes I miss my passions and pursuits. But I'll tell ya, my HOPE is that in the end, a heretofore unrevealed inner beauty will be revealed by way of this tumbling and polishing process. A vein of purple, speckles of green? Is there gold in my center? Maybe. But it is entirely possible that in the end, I will be left, a round, smooth and completely unremarkable bluish grey rock. Maybe by the time that happens, I'll be OK with that kind of end.

One of the best ways that this experience has changed me is by loosening my death grip on stuff. First thing to go was my body, and, while the longer I go on this way, the more I suspect that I wasn't quite as clever as I once thought I was... but, I'm pretty sure that my mind is slipped a few notches as well. Maybe a LOT of notches. Whatever degree of coolness I had achieved, was sucked away by the four millionth spirited rendition of Eensy Weensy Spider, or maybe it was the time I looked up the lyrics to the theme song for Scooby Doo at the behest of a two year old Birdie. So long.

Material stuff. Like furniture, DVD's and clean walls. It's a lesson I have to relearn every so often... but for the most part I get it, and when I encounter someone who is learning it the hard way, or insisting that their "stuff" is sacrosanct... sometimes it's amusing and sometimes it's down right annoying. Whatever. I'm just trying to get by with the minimal amount of destruction to... well, everything!

All in all, this has been an annoyingly pompous way of announcing that the quilt that I am giving away? Has a new new home! The winner is the lovely Jennifer of The Road Less Traveled

Congratulations!

Freebies

I finally figured out how it works, and I decided not to do it.

Don't get me wrong, it's a cool idea, this giveaway thing... but if I put a linky up at Rocks in my Dryer, then everyone and their pet dog would have a shot at winning this blanket, and I had envisioned this going to an actual reader of this blog. Again. Cool idea, so do go and check out these rockin' bloggers. I will just not be one of them. I'm still giving the quilt away, but it will be to someone who gets here via a more traditional manner.

I am trying to be a little more loosey-goosey about material things, but I really like this quilt... it's soft. And I really like my readers. So here is the deal:

1. If you got to my bloggy giveaway, it is via a traditional means so BY ALL MEANS, sign up!

2. You do not have to have a blog to win, just an email address.

3. Family and real life friends, please join in! Heck, y'all are some of my favorite readers!

4. I am going on a little vay-cay... so this post will stay at the top of this site, and you have until friday at noon to sign up.

5. Leave me a comment with an email addy down in my comments OR... if you are squeamish about being public, drop me an email at the following address.

bon(type in a period)mama(type in an @ sign)gmail(type in a period)com

follow the instructions in the parenthesis... sorry to be cryptic, but spammers have software that picks up email addresses and spams the hootie out of them!

6. Sit back and enjoy a week off from my whining, and tune back in on Friday noonish to see if you've won.



* again... since I'm footing the bill for shipping, only in US or Canada.

Sunday Pic: Pink

Another hard workin' week capped off with some Deathly Hallows does not make for a mucho-posting Mama. I am sure we will all survive.

With the kid-watching skillz of my sister and niece, I managed to paint the girls room a lovely shade of pink that Kwal Paints likes to call "Sacred." The first time I saw the color, the name of it was upside down to me, and it read like "Scared." I still like to think of it as "Scared Pink."

Chaos is in an ecstasy of little girl proportions. Now, you too can witness all that is pink and TDF, To Die For.

Who Loves Ya, Baby!

So Rock In My Dryer is hosting a sort of blog party. It's for everyone who wants to have a giveaway on their bloggy, and everyone who wants to get some free stuff from those who are giving... check out the nifty doggy button in my sidebar. At some point she'll be linking to everyone who is giving stuff away, so even if you don't score my gifty, you could, maybe pick up some other offering. I will be trying to get some freebies m'self.

Once I figure out how this is working, I assume that you tell me via comment or email that you are interested, and I enter your name and put it in a hat. I'll be giving away this handmade (by me) baby rag style quilt. Stay tuned.

*since I will be footing the bill to ship it, I will restrict winning to just the continental U.S. and Canada. And YES, Canada specifically in case Mama D wins. If you live somewhere else you may petition me to soften my crabby old heart.

Stigmas and Chaos

Lest there be any confusion... my Birdie is not fat. Perhaps by some sicko, anorexic definition she could be considered such, but people with that definition do not interest me, except that I wish them all the thinness they treasure. May they waste away to nothing.*

Wow. Usually I try to keep it a little more upbeat than that around here.

Pirate hit it on the head in her comment...

..."No matter what, I think it's important that you learn to discharge the stigma that word has for yourself before you heap that on your own girls. They will read your confidence around this issue - if they sense that Mama has no baggage with this, then they will have no reasons to take on their own baggage... That's where the self esteem thing comes from. Love yourself first, your children will learn from you."

I have baggage with this word, and it shines right on through. By the time I was seven years old I "knew" that I was fat.

Dude. I wasn't fat.

I had been on at least two fad diets by the time I was twelve because I was "fat". I was a regular looking kid... not stick thin, but not fat by any far stretch.

Anyone around me that did not fall into the category of "model thin" looked fat to me, and that is a jacked-up way to live.

My brain works differently today, but I am faced with the task of raising Chaos, true and proper Chaos. The kind of Chaos that couldn't give a rat's hind end for "fat" or "thin," or any crappy labels. It's time to shed all the cringing and hiding I did growing up.

I gotta be busy raising Chaos like this!

...and this!

...and this!

* I do not wish ill for people struggling with eating disorders, I am only angry at those who would label a five year old girl as "fat."

Sunday Pic: And So It Begins...

I am frustrated. I have me a little rant, but I cannot find a way to get it out there without a pig's trough full of backstory and family dirt. So y'all are going to get the shortened, sanitized version.

There is a sweet little six year old girl who loves my Birdie, and we spend a bit of time with her, but rarely with her mother. Yesterday, in the course of the swimming fun , she dropped the bomb that her mama had said that Birdie was fat. She went on to inform me that she didn't think so, and that she was angry with her mom for saying it.

I calmly told her that I disagreed with her mother. She was satisfied and ran off to play with my darling Bird and LaLa. Not sure what my face looked like, but Grandma was there and informed me that this has been something that has been troubling Misssixyearold for a few days. She has brought it up to Grandma several times, and that Misssixyearold has said if anyone calls Birdie "fat" that she will beat them up!

Who knows what her mother said. Who knows if she said it to this little girl, or in confidence to a friend, and her daughter just happened to overhear. Perhaps her mother never said such a thing at ALL. She is six, after all, and kids don't always understand everything they hear. Whatever was said, I'm sure she never meant it to get back to me or to my little girl.

Whatever. That's not what has pulled my pin.

What matters to me, is the damage is done. The bullet is in the chamber. The arrow knocked. And in Misssixyearold's world, being accused of being "fat" is a fighting offense. To her, being accused of being "fat" is a terrible thing. She appears to be aware of every nuance of insult that comes with the labeling a girl "fat."

Frankly, I am as concerned for the poison that has been fed to this little girl, as for the poison that has been offered, and will be offered to my Bird and all of Chaos. The same poison that I grew up on.

Not all little girls are going to love my Bird, and I'm willing to bet that many of them have been schooled in the same attitude by their own mothers and society at large. These children who do not love my Bird, will be using their arrows. She will learn their definitions for "fat," and what it means to be called that, because she is not stick effing thin.

I really thought that we would have at least until first grade before this kind garbage... and I thought that it would be coming from the kids.

There will be no pictures of Chaos this week.... I had thought to post a photo of Birdie, she has lost a second tooth. But now I'll have to think about it, this world hardly deserves to be graced with such beauty.

Balance

If I could just figure out a way to want to do all the things that I need and ought to do.

Sunday Pic: Paint

So the joke is pretty much on me, and my sorry attempts to post pictures of all the hard work that has been done in Chaos in the past few days. I waited till the girls were in bed and I could pick up a bit before taking the snaps of my walls a la Tequila this evening. But you can hardly tell the difference in the before pics and the afters in the low light. Not that the color jumps out at ya in real life... but there IS a difference! The thing about this color, is it appears brown, grey, green or white as the light hits it. It ROCKS, but you have to look closely, especially in the sink photos.

The kitchen sink in it's before state, complete with dirty dishes.

The sink in it's after state... notice that the color of the walls and the sink itself now are different.
To the left of the sink.

To the right of the sink (look close, you will rarely see this much countertop).

The kitchen table. Yes, the blinds have a busted out slat in the lower left hand corner. Not replacing that thing again till it's even more beat than that.

Front room .

More front room, and I will add that the biggest pain in the patootie to paint was the freaking hallway... and it just looks white in all the photos I take. Will try in daylight tomorrow. My hands hurt. Goodnight.

Sunday Pic: Tuesday

I'm thinking it would have behooved me to take a "before" pic. I didn't. Instead, I will show you about what we had in our master bath. This is the girl's bath, right off the hallway. The space is different, but the lights and mirror are exactly the same as what we had in our bathroom. Next I will put some knobs on the drawers and cabinets, but they are just plain, brushed nickel boring... and it may take me a while to get to it. So you get the "after" picture in a somewhat "before" state. And then comes the Tequila. That's the color of the paint people, the PAINT!

Taken while standing at the foot of our bed.

Taken while standing on edge of tub.
I'm thinking we could really use a spiffy new faucet, don't you agree?

Girls/Home Improvement

Before I had kids, I had always envisioned myself as the mother of a rangy pack of boys. Instead, I got girls. I love my girls, but I think it should be said that for all they cleave unto all things princess, they like the traditional "boy" stuff as well. There is not much in this household in the way of restraint, or shy and retiring. Nothing quiet about our home.

Turns out, this works for me.

I am glad to have my girls... I am glad that they are sisters, and such good sisters to each other. I know how important having sisters is, especially as I get older. There is much to admire in my own sisters. I have three sisters and two brothers, and much as I love my brothers... it's my sisters who sustain me. These women are on my mind today.

It's really kind of classic. The things they do, and their lives kind of baffle me. I don't see how they pull everything off with such aplomb, and I guess my own Chaos has them pretty much in awe as well. I feel this way about the women I call friends as well.

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Girls. Think little girls and lots of clothes. Lots of pink, purple, green and lots of sparkles. I am in over my head with the laundry, and I am thinking that at age five and three, the two older can start to be responsible for the putting away of their own clothes. Only, the chests of drawers they have are falling to pieces from the inside out. The center bar, and rails that the drawers slide on? Sawdust and unhinged metal. The slightest tug would pull the entire drawer out and THEN... picture a particularly untidy squirrels nest. Since we have put our plans to finish the basement on hold till next year (too many medical bills), it has freed up a little bit of cash for other projects. Goodbye old chests of drawers... hello Hemnes 8 drawer dresser in white! It's big, so they will be sharing.

I would insert a little Ikea rant here... but having read the blogs of Ikea customers in the past, I suspected that my own freaky experience would ensue with the purchase of Ikea stuff. I was not disappointed. Currently I estimate that I spent about 40 hours in the driving to and from, shopping at, returning, and returning, and putting together/ installing crap from Ikea. I figure that the experience is a kind of sweat equity for the furniture world.

This time estimate does not include the time spent absorbing and slavering over their catalog and website. I suspect that Dadguy cringes to think of me and the finishing/furnishing of the basement. I am a perpetual agony of "trying to get it right the first time," when facing a house project, and not an easy woman to live with in when I am in project mode. I don't handle interruptions well, while in that mode... and my life as a mother of young kids IS interruption after distraction on top of frustration. Hoping for the best!

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Oldest sister, R, and I have made a deal to help each other paint our houses (the interior). I hope to have some pictures for y'all by next Sunday Pic time. Can't promise much though, I thought for sure I would have a lovely photo of the master bathroom and it's changes (vanity light and mirror).... but I have not yet hung the new mirror. It will end up being a Tuesday Pic this week, I guess.

The color I decided to go with is Kwal Paints "Tequila." I have seen it in two separate houses, and I lurve it! Cool and relaxing... and hopefully it'll clean up better than the builders grade, whitish paint we have now. Possibly I will have an accent wall in the front room. Looking at a slightly darker color for that. Undecided. One more example of the agony and indecision of teh mama doing home improvement.

I will be back to the bloggity soon... promise!

Random Cuteness

This morning Pearl got her paws on a band-aid. She showed it to me, asking "Nah-nay?" Which I could only assume meant "Mama, will you please put this band-aid on my non-existent wound?"

I asked her where she wanted it, and she poked her foot out and pointed at a general area of toe-ness. As I am peeling the paper back from the band-aid, in preparation to stick it on her foot, she begins a loud and contrived "waaaaah wah!." Because that's what you are supposed to do when you get a bandage on a boo-boo. Cry.

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We have been deluged with new toys lately. Among some of the new denizens of Chaos...

A stuffed lion that LaLa has named "Tiger-ee," and a stuffed turkey that gobbles, which she has named "Chicken-ee."

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LaLa and Birdie have been attending "school" at Grandma's house about twice a week this summer. The focus is reading, but they do science projects, and art projects as well. One of the things they have done, is made books out of construction paper. They cut pictures out of magazines and paste them in the pages, then dictate to Grandma, what they want her to write to go along with the vignettes.

Page one: A tightly cropped photo of the eye and a portion of the beak of a Toucan. The text reads "This is a toucan."

Page two: Photo of a Juan Valzdez looking Mexican peasant, holding his hat in his hand standing next to a burro. Text reads, "The man is taking care of the horse."

Page three: Underwater closeup of a smiling dolphin. Text reads, "The dolphin is swimming. going to eat a hammerhead shark.

I got that far and laughed my pants off.

300

I have been putting off this post for almost a week now.. Partly because I have nothing to post, other than the standard blah blah blah hot blah summertime stuff blah blah. Partly because, as my 300th post, I thought I should have something a little more coherent to say than I do. Partly because I have chucked back two wildly different and powerful books.

One book: Gift From The Sea, by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. Uhhh... why has no one told me of this book before? This should be mandatory reading for women, especially married women with children. Have you read it? Why didn't YOU tell me? Does everyone just assume that everyone else has read it?

Other Book: Twilight, by Stephenie Mayer. If you have teenage girls you already know all about this book, I am sure. If not... SQUEEEE! The world created by Anne Rice has nothing on Meyer's take on Vampirism, but be warned. Although this is considered Young Adult Fiction, it is powerful and heady stuff, containing the hottest literary kiss this side of erotica. And for all of that, it is conducted in a chaste if dangerous manner. But what do you expect from vampires?


... and oh yeah, blah blah blah hot.

Sunday Pic: Epiphany

I have come to realize something about myself... whether it is just the way I operate right now in my life, or if it has always been in play, I do not know. I make many, if not most fashion and furnishing decisions based on whether a thing make me laugh. Witness a streak of bright red, almost hot pink that I could not resist getting with this most recent cut and color. What can I say... it makes me laugh.

Tooth

News

Ahhhh! So which do ya want first? The good news, the good news or the really good news? Because somehow, I am waking up on my 38th birthday to a shiny, sparkly feeling...

Birdie's tooth? She had just preempted the natural process. Despite the jagged appearance of the root of the tooth that "Link" escorted out... there was nothing hazardous left in the gums. No harm, no foul AND my dentist didn't even charge me for the visit or x-rays.

Yeah... I know! Don't you just hate people who ask for your advice, and then do whatever the crap they wanted to do anyway? In my defence, I really thought that there was a splinter of root left, and I only had yesterday morning to take care of it... so I just hit up my dentist for a morning mercy visit. The "not paying" bit was all their idea. I suspect they didn't want to mess with the paperwork for five minutes and two x-rays. Or it could be because his wife is the Relief Society President for our Ward... and she wanted to cut us a break. Then again, I shouldn't discount the fact that they are just cool people! One way or the other.... WOO HOOOO!

And I love her new jack-o-lantern grin, but it also breaks my heart a little.... she looks like a school kid now.

The reason I only had the morning to deal with busted teeth, we had an early afternoon appointment up in SLC with Pearl's surgeon. Best case scenario. The G-tube is gone. All we are left with now is scar tissue, one final appointment in three months, and one or two small complications. Some other time I'll explain the complications, but... this is my birthday post, and I am only chronicling the bright side thankyouverymuch!

She ain't got no g-tube la-la-be-doo-bah!

Also... I had forgotten the unreasonable pleasure that comes with welcoming a new niece or nephew into the family. I say unreasonable, because I feel proud. I obviously had nothing to do with the guy, but here he is... breathing and slightly smashed looking. And I feel so pleased and proud, like I helped. One way or the other.... Welcome to the party baby M!

On the way home from the hospital yesterday, I took advantage of the fact that the older girls were with my sister, and stopped by the new Ikea. I am in love with it's huge, maze-y shopping goodness. I am in love with my new front room lighting. I am in love with Mr. Dadguy who will be installing it as the other half of my birthday gift! Meet my new 12" Fado... and wow, who'd-a thought that last bit would sound so NAUGHTY!

(the lamp is called a Fado, people... sheeesh!)

Sunday Pic: Gratitude

I spent some time this afternoon writing Thank You notes for folks who have assisted Chaos this past while... I'm not done yet... and I haven't got addresses for some of you. But we are some blessed folks. J.D. from Tripping Over Cobblestones sent out a care package with magazines for me, and some shades for the girlo. The glasses, which had rose colored lenses, are broken already... but not before LaLa had the opportunity of putting them on and remarking to me how big and pink my bummie was. Nobody sent Dadguy and I a gift certificate for iTunes... for new music to cheer us up. Elizasmom sent a GC for Amazon. The "mom" part of Mom and Pop came to visit bringing a book and a toy. Sarah came to visit, bringing cheer and good conversation. Jo of TangledMe visited with gifts.... and now Mama D has weighed in with gifts all around! These wands and wings for the older girls, a dolly for Pearl and some Aveda haircare products for moi!

Dude... that's just the folks who have websites that I can link to! Y'all are some huge-hearted and awesome folks.


I have also had some new people come by to visit the bloggy and leave happy and kind words of support in addition to my longertime friends. My only regret is that I am so disorganised and so much shorter on spare time that I don't get by to say hey back to them. Or leave regular or better comments on YOUR blogs. I feel like so much is being done on our behalf.... I hope I am not overlooking anyone and that if I have, believe me, we are sooo grateful for all that is being done.


Just one other thing.... I am looking for a good pediatric dentist. Somehow Birdie smashed/popped/levered out one of her bottom-front teeth, tonite after lights out. She says she was biting on a plastic, Happy Meal figurine of Peter from the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. Only she insists that he is "Link" from Legend of Zelda. Anyway she was biting on him when she tripped? Fell? Was jumping on her bed?

Almost the whole tooth is out, but it looks like there may yet be a splinter of the root left in her gums. So if you know anyone in the Valley....

Yeah, I know. The hits just keep coming. Wheee!

Where Does My Time Go?

The Parent Bloggers Network in conjunction with Light Iris is holding a little drawing to send a blogger to this years BlogHer. The topic "Where Does My Time Go" fits in nicely with something that I wanted to talk about anyhoo... my time, and where the crap it has gone.

At first I thought I'd give this one a miss, but then I read the fine print and realized that this wasn't a writing contest... nope, it's a random drawing. If it were a contest then I'd feel compelled to spend some time on writing the post, and time is something I ain't got so mucha these days. Plus, I don't know if I'd be able to get away to GO to BlogHer. Time.

BUT.

A couple of days ago my sister Shel, in Colorado called me. She had tried to leave a comment on this post, but Blogger ate it, so she called instead. Normally I get griped at Blogger when it does glitchy things like that, but I let it slide this time. It was a really good conversation, but the main reason and message that she had for me was to relax. Most especially, to take some time for myself. She is so very right.

I have never had a pedicure, but I love the idea of one, and I love the way they make your feet look. I had decided that this year for Mother's Day I was gonna get me one! I had cherry-red polish in mind. A girlfriend of mine and I decided that we would go together, after checking with one of the neighborhood divas as to where was the best place to go. If you have kept up with this blog, you will know that this did not happen, as I spent the better part of the month of May with my youngest in the Children's Hospital.

I commit to getting a pedicure within this next week.

My hair was overdue for a cut and color by several weeks, over a month ago! I hardly noticed, because the hospital lighting in the bathrooms made it seem as if I still had highlights. It was not till the last week in, that I looked close enough to realize that it was not highlights I was seeing, but strands and clumps of pure white sprouting from my head.

I commit to a cut and color. I have an appointment for next Wednesday.

Plus I want y'all to know that I have watched two chick fliks and consumed decent chocolate in the past few days. In that same vein... I commit to three good sessions on the exercise bike in the next week to offset this necessary consumption of chocolate.

Not positive where my time went... but I know it's not gonna just show up, so I'm going to TAKE some time and MAKE it mine. At least I'm going to try!

G-Tubular... dude.

So the girlie has a Gastrostomy Tube...
it looks about like this (the cartoon version for those of y'all with a weak constitution).

Once I got past my initial, erm... dismay at the Frankenstein nature of having a tube poking out of my daughter's tummy, and started to be in charge of the care of it... I began to realize the pluses of such an item. Especially in dealing with a toddler.

Hate the Tylenol tussle? You know, the fight you have with a cranky kid who would feel better and be less cranky... if only you could get a teaspoonful or less of the crappy purple stuff down her gullet? You have a G-tube and there is no fight, no consultation, no hassle. You just pop open the med-port on that bad boy and *boop* the child is medicated.

Kid hates that nasty Pediasure, but is not getting enough nutrition? Yeah... the G-tube! Concerns about the hydration level of Junior? Nope, not anymore.

I'll be sad to see that sucker go for the above reasons.... but only for those reasons.

By the way... if you haven't checked out the cool video that Mama D made for me... go have a gander!