Studying veils...
Years ago I struggled with the veiling of women's faces in the temple. I read it, as that who we are as individual women, is unimportant. Nameless and faceless and interchangeable. So much so that it takes only one man to make up the male half of Elohim, but who knows how many women? Polygamous ideology suggests that Father must have a multitude of nameless and unknown Wives. Polygamous ideology that serves men. Speaks to men that they must collect wives as treasure to demonstrate their righteousness.
Interchangeable women as Mothers in Heaven to balance one Holy Man.
I found it hurtful and confusing and struggled to attend the Temple. I did it though. I wanted to be obedient and I wished to know what it meant. I love my God. I love my Savior. I needed to understand, was I loved less than my brothers because I was a woman? Am I worth less? Am I worthless except as a Vessel?
Gods ways are not our ways, and it is possible that there is a holy meaning behind the veiling of women's faces that is NOT degrading. A way the carries meaning that does NOT indicate that we are valuable as ideas, treasure, objects, vessels, chattel only. That we are valuable and beloved as individual human women and daughters of God.
That men approach the bar of God as individuals with their faces bared but women came veiled was baffling. I despise the idea I've heard floated that God needs to "protect women" or "protect Heavenly Mother" from the casual and the profane. Have you MET women!?!? they survive and even thrive in a world that actively tries to destroy them on the regular. In many ways we are tougher and better able to endure than men. We are TOUGH and we are RESILIENT and still stay SOFT and I cannot conceive of a Mother in Heaven who does not embody those qualities and better.
And then one day in October of 2018, it all felt ok again. It didn't hurt, and I was able to find peace once again in the Temple. I was attending that day with a question in my heart as to whether I really should undergo a surgery that I had scheduled. I took that profound and long withheld peace as a resounding "yes." I was so grateful for the cessation of hurt. The ability to hear the same words and make the same promises without that sinking feeling. Such. A. Relief.
So I had the surgery and had complications that nearly killed me, and nearly destroyed my families finances. A "short recovery time" turned into grueling months of pain, discomfort and fear. I was unable to care for my family and homeschooling took a massive hit. With tubes down my throat I couldn't even do Read Aloud without starting to gag from the movement of speech shifting the tubes. Even after the tubes, stent and drains were removed and I slowly began to rebuild my strength, I had the trial of dealing with health insurance, bill collectors and IHC to struggle through. It had the effect of gaslighting which brought up old trauma. While I was weak and exposed.
Did I really understand correctly the answer I got in the Temple?
Yes. I did. I correctly understood and obeyed and walked into some of the hardest days, weeks and months of my life. My God took me by the hand and led me into the lions den. I nearly died and I needed to nearly die. I experienced a thinning of the veil between this world and the spirit world. I was visited by some who came to minister to me, and some who came to remind me that I was to minister to them. I had a job to do.
Meanwhile, as I fought for my life and fought for my families financial solvency, the Temple ceremony changed. Quietly, nearly everything that I had experienced as painful barbs and confusing messages about who I was in the Eternities was just removed from the Temple ceremony. Altered.
Veils.
But now I need to understand not the Temple Veil. I need to understand the Veil that covers my Holy Mother. What is it and what does it do?
Not even 100% sure why I need to know more about it, but I do. I am finally gonna do the service that I promised to do before I was even born, that I was reminded of during those wild and crowded nights in the hospital as I lay near the veil.
